How to be "Macho"

A simple walk in Ecuador is not like a simple walk in the United States. A simple walk here involves all the senses. You feel the jagged, uneven sidewalks through the soles of your shoes. You taste the pollution in the air. You smell the pan wafting from the bakeries....sometimes you catch a wiff of other not so pleasant aromatic wonders. You see the colors of the streets, the people of the city, the curious eyes boring into your face. And, most of all, you hear the men call to you. Almost without fail, if you pass a man on the street, they will say something.

Sometimes these comments are original (I especially enjoyed the man who called after us "SOY LATINO!" Really? A latino man in Ecuador? Now that's something you don't see every day). Most often, however, they are the same ole cat calls. Because, 9 times out of 10, these comments are redundant and lacking in originality points, I can only come to one conclusion: these boys must be taught from an early age, when they are only niños, the top ten ways to greet a gringa. Here are the top 5:

1) Preciosas: "Preciouses"- in English, this sounds creepy- like, why is Gollum hitting on me? Here, it's just kind of like, "What up, cutie?"

2) Ssss ssss sss- I like to think that this is saying that we're "sizzlin,'" but more likely it just means that they're too lazy to open their mouths.

3) Honk, honk- this one is pretty universal. I DO, however, give you extra points if you also lean out of the window and wink at us.

4) Heeeeeelllo. How aaaahrr jhu?- I appreciate when they use us to try out their English. Way to take the initiative in furthering your education. I give extra points to the man who yesterday said "Gooood Ahfternoooooons." However, I subtract points from him because he was really old and creepily wiggled his eyebrows at us.

5) Que bonitas- a simple classic meaning "How beautiful." And, come on, every girl likes hearing

that, right? Even if the only reason they are saying it is because they're trippin' over my pasty, excuse me, fair complexion.

Because, after a week or so, these same five comments become a bit mundane, we are creating a game: Gringa Bingo.

The rules are simple; each Gringa has their own Bingo card with the standard Gringa cat calls, and some rarer phrases. The gringa must simply mark off the ones she receives during the day. When she filled in a row or column she must shout "GRINGA" (yes, this will call attention to herself, but the jig is kind of up for the whole anonymity thing) and then bask in the great feeling of being a rare import, cuz she sure won't be considered "exotic" back in the states...or most other countries.